Why Do We Actually Have Sex

"One thing seems clear - the reasons people have sex are a complex mix of physical, mental, and emotional issues combined with a hard-wired instinct to seek opportunities to continue the species."

- The Infographics Show Why Do We Actually Have Sex is a video on the Infographics Show explaining the theory of sex and why humans do it, if not for reproductive purposes.

Synopsis
If you've ever wondered why people have sex, you're not alone. In this video I explore the evolutionary theory of sex and ask if it's really just about reproduction or if there might be something else going on?

Transcript
For some, it’s all they can think about - sex. But one question many people have is... why? Why is sex such an important desire for many people? Why do we actually have sex? Sure, there’s the obvious answer - it’s necessary for procreation. Everyone knows that when a mommy and daddy love each other very much - well, you know the rest. But for all sexually dimorphic creatures in the animal kingdom, having sex is the primary way to expand the population. Sure, there are some exceptions - some sea creatures reproduce in non-contact ways, with the male fertilizing eggs after the female lays them. And human reproductive science has found ways around medical difficulties in conceiving, using techniques like in vitro fertilization to make babies possible for people without doing it the old-fashioned way.

But for the most part, if people want to make a baby - or in the case of rabbits, a lot of babies - they’d better get busy. For humans, having a baby is a pretty involved thing. Nine months of gestation and only one offspring at a time in the vast majority of cases. This is similar for many larger mammals, but for smaller mammals and other types of animal, it’s common to have a lot more babies and much quicker. So it’s not a surprise that humans take picking a partner for having a baby more seriously - it’s a pretty big investment. But there are plenty of other reasons that motivate people to have sex.

For one thing, we may be physically wired to have the desire for sex. Our brain patterns are formed from countless generations of evolution, and we’re born with certain instincts that lead us to natural behaviors. One of those behaviors is sex, and that influences a lot of the other decisions we make. It’s not hard to see why our brains are hard-wired for this purpose - keeping the species going is the ultimate natural instinct, and while there is no shortage of population now, it was a much bigger priority in ages past, when life expectancy was shorter and nature was filled with many more threats. And more offspring means more genetic variety in the population.

But humans are complicated creatures, and there are many different things that motivate us. For one thing - sex feels really good! This is called body-centered sex, and it’s the most basic reason that drives sexual attraction - and sometimes, sexual addiction. Even without being concerned with the emotions of a partner, the feeling of sexual stimulation can be a powerful driving force. This triggers an effect called an orgasm that can be a powerful rush of pleasure and feel-good chemicals. This is why many people enjoy self-stimulation - it’s an easy way to get this pleasure high without having to deal with the complex emotions of sexual relations.

For many people, though, those complex emotions are the main selling point. Sex is one of the most powerful connections someone can have with their partner, and having sex is an expression of trust and unity. Whether it’s after a long relationship, or after a whirlwind courtship, deciding to have sex with someone is often seen as a major step and a decision to commit to them. Before, during, and after the act, there’s a feeling of becoming one and making a decision that’ll set the tone for the rest of your time together. Some choose to wait until after marriage or engagement to make this step, but others find their own meaningful moment to take the jump. And that feeling can continue well after the first time.

For those in a permanent or recurring relationship, having sex with someone they trust can be a stress reliever. If they’ve had a hard day at work or are worried about something, they may crave affection and close contact with their partner. Initiating sex may be a way to push the unpleasantness of the day away and instead focus on something familiar and calming. While the actual act of sex is enjoyable as always, these situations are often almost as much about the closeness with a partner. Of course, sometimes the heat cools - but the love doesn’t. Sometimes, especially in long-term relationships, sex can be a matter of duty and familiarity. It’s common for older couples, parents, and very busy two-career couples to set aside a regular time to have sex - often one day a week, but sometimes more infrequently. This is something to look forward to, but it’s also a different kind of commitment. It’s a way to reconnect and remind each other of how they feel about each other – even if it’s not as often as it used to be. But what about those who haven’t experienced it before?

One of the most powerful motivators for having sex is, for some people, not having had it before. We’ve all seen the teen comedies where kids scheme to lose their virginity - or in one case, where a certain forty-year-old virgin does. This is often driven by curiosity and other social factors - all they know is that sex is the greatest thing around and everyone is doing it but them. It’s more about getting a prize and answering those questions than anything else. Often time, that first time doesn’t live up to the hype and can be confusing and awkward - but what would you expect. When’s the last time you did something perfectly on the first try? But there are some less savory reasons that people might have sex.

Tied into curiosity, one reason many people want to have sex for the first time is for social status. After all, if all the cool kids are talking about having sex, the nerds are going to want to prove they can do it too. Some might try to lie and join in, but what would be more embarrassing than getting caught in a lie about this? So instead, those looking to join the “cool kids” just seek out every opportunity to have their first time - whether it’s going to be a time to remember or a time they wish they could forget.

Some reasons for having sex can be downright cruel. Jealousy has been a thing since the early days, and people have gone to extreme lengths over it ever since the first caveman clubbed his neighbor over the head to take his cave. But some people use sex to try to create jealousy. Say a man has a crush on a woman, but she’s not interested. Maybe he finds another woman to have a relationship with, and tries to flaunt it around his real obsession to make her jealous. The sex might be enjoyable, but he’s never really plugged into it or enjoying being with the woman he’s with - it’s all about ulterior motives. And some people use sex for cruel intentions.

Having sex with someone is considered a sacred bond of trust by most people, and that makes it all the more shocking when someone uses it for revenge. We’ve all seen this happen on soap operas - usually ending with a dramatic slap to the face. Maybe someone has a fight with a teammate on the football team, so they decide to make him angry by putting the moves on his sister. Or maybe after a nasty breakup, a girl decides to make her ex-boyfriend sorry by sleeping with his best friend. Whatever the motivation, the odds are pretty strong that the sex won’t lead to a healthy relationship in these cases.

Of course, sometimes a healthy relationship isn’t the goal. For some people, sex is just a stepping stone to another kind of success. It’s a door into a relationship with someone who has something they want. This is common when someone from a lower socioeconomic status wants to climb the ladder - if they wind up marrying the boss’s daughter, they might be in for a plum position at the company. Sometimes this can be combined with genuine attraction and turn into a healthy relationship, but more likely it’ll wind up in a televised divorce proceeding on reality TV.

Of course, for some people, the sex truly is all that matters. Sex addiction is when the sex drive, or libido, goes haywire and consumes a person’s life. This is when the how, who, and why of sex doesn’t really matter - only the act does. People who struggle with sex addiction may just tire out their partner, but often it gets out of control and they wind up patronizing prostitutes or getting into casual sexual encounters that potentially expose them to sexually transmitted diseases. When sex addiction gets bad enough, it can ruin relationships and jobs.

The good news is, no matter why you’re having sex, your body has reasons to celebrate. Did you know that having sex is actually exercise? Maybe this shouldn’t be a surprise, given how good it feels to lie down in bed and relax after a vigorous outing with your partner. It feels great, but you’re exhausted - and there’s a reason for that! Studies show that having sex raises your heart rate around the same level as a quick walk or riding your bike at a regular pace. This means that regular sex could play a role in keeping your body healthy - without the cost of a gym membership. And there are other possible health benefits for why your body craves sex. Having an orgasm creates a surge of hormones in your brain, particularly endorphins and oxytocin. These reduce pain and make it easier to relax, and that means it’s a lot easier to fall asleep - especially if you’re struggling with chronic pain or have a nagging headache. While this works in both men and women, studies show the effect is more dramatic in men. This means that having sex could be the key to a good night’s sleep.

But women may have their own unique advantage. Studies show that women who have sex several times a week are less likely to develop heart disease compared to women who only have sex once a month or less. Why this is the case isn’t clear - some speculate that healthy women might just be more likely to have sex. But having sex is also heart-healthy exercise, so even if it’s a correlation rather than a cause, “the heart knows what it wants” might have more than one meaning. And having sex regularly might even impact the brain. Studies done on people over fifty who had regular sex showed that they had an improved ability to remember number patterns and better math skills. While this effect was more significant in men, it was true in both genders - and indicated that sex might help to keep the brain fresh.

Is sex helping to generate new brain cells? It’s known that it’s as much a mental activity as it is a physical one, and this seems to indicate that there could be long-term benefits for memory and mental skills. There’s even evidence that sex might help to keep you alive. One study on married women showed a minor link between having sex more often and living longer. While there’s no way to prove that this is a cause, there are many possible explanations. One might be that having regular sex is an indication that the marriage is healthy, active, and passionate, which could reduce stress and improve mental health. Another possibility could be that more healthy people are simply more likely to have sex.

But the odds are this study made a lot of people go “Hey - it couldn’t hurt!”. One thing’s for sure - our bodies seem wired to want sex in more ways than one. It’s been shown in studies that adults in committed relationships report less incidences of depression or mental health issues if they’re having regular sex. This connection with their partner and the regular release of endorphins seems to have a positive effect on mental health. But this only works when a person has someone they trust to share that bond with - the stress of searching out unfamiliar partners may undo that benefit and actually add more stress. One thing seems clear - the reasons people have sex are a complex mix of physical, mental, and emotional issues combined with a hard-wired instinct to seek opportunities to continue the species. I bet those rabbits in the meadows have less on their mind.